Sucking

Here's what sucks about getting over someone the most, trying to find someone new.

I don't want to explain to them what happens to me when I drink milk, I don't want to explain to them how to make it feel better, I don't want to tell them how to feed a bunny, or which spot to rub on my dog, or how i like to sleep at night. I don't want to tell the boy my biggest fears, and how i hate shark fest, and hunting for sport. I don't want to tell them why I hate hunting for sport. I don't want to explain to them why I want to name my children after characters in a book who killed themselves, or what the meaning of my tattoos are, or why my piercings mean the amount they do.

I don't want to tell them which restaurants I like, and which ones I avoid, and reiterate which foods are considered dairy. I don't want them to know how much I hate my job, or how sick my bunny got, or how I cry when I can't fix something. I don't want to explain to them how i get when i'm overwhelmed, and the easiest way to make me fall asleep at night, and the teachers that I hate and why.

I don't want these boys to know why I won't pick up my guitars, and why i won't listen to certain genres of music and why I enjoy dancing so much. I don't want to have to push them back when they get to close, when i'm uncomfortable, or even when they've overstepped their boundaries. I don't to have to tell them how one of my biggest fears is being sterile, and my biggest dream is raising happy/healthy/smart kids.

I don't want to tell them what my favorite type of dog is, or how i hate hairless animals, or how much I love coca-cola. I don't want them to know that I only wear make-up when i'm trying to impress someone or when I feel so low that I actually need the added complements, or that I never remember to take my medicine or how scared i am of dentists. I don't want them to know that the only reason i like the cowboys is because everyone likes the redskins, and that my second favorite team is always whichever team is playing the redskins.

I want them to know. I took two years of my life teaching you every single one of these things and you know the answer to all of these questions and why the fuck aren't you here? Why the fuck didn't you keep the billions of promises and secrets and life plans we had? Why?