"but it was not your fault but mine
and it was your heart on the line
i really fucked it up this time
didn't I, my dear?"
That lyric is almost striking to me. Why? I've been way too incredibly mean lately.
Here's the truth: Over this past year, i've been bruised and broken too many times.
It's hard for me to straighten out what i'm feeling and what i'm just "reacting" to as my french teacher calls it. People call me out on this, mainly the person I care about. I just want you guys to know that I'm trying, trying my hardest.
I drink more coke then the owner of the coca-cola website.
Lately it's been a lot of impulses. I know i should be studying for any of the many tests/finals i have next week, and even though i spent pretty much the whole night with good friends of mine, I just... feel completely alone. I realize that i'm becoming dependent on that significant other that I was talking about before. Somehow, i trust him to know when i'm just reacting to life, and what i'm feeling.
So without him... I just feel like a jumbled mass of emotions. I don't know if that makes sense. He's one of the first people I let in... and I keep fucking up... And I keep tucking myself further and further inside.
So here's the true point of this blog article. This guy-- means the world to me-- and he truly is a good guy I think. But what I need for you the reader, is just a little more time to get off my bruised tush.
I keep falling back down on it. Whether this be caused because of things that are or are not under others control. I want to get back to that point where I can hold you guys up... I want to get strong like that... But getting knocked down is a part of it...
I just wish we'd all grow up a little bit.
i don't know if any of this makes sense. I'm hurting. I'm crying while writing this, and i'm probably just going to get trolled because some of my english was wrong, or i'm too mopey, or sad, or I need to just stop writing all together.
weep for yourself, my man,
you'll never be what is in your heart
weep little lion man,
you're not as brave as you were at the start
rate yourself and rape/RAKE yourself,
take all the courage you have left
wasted on fixing all the problems that you made in your own head
I just wish we'd all grow up a little bit. I need to start talking more. Because every time that I start talking about my own emotions, I freeze up, and then I just end up not saying anything. But it's hard to do that... when you don't know who you can trust, or when the one person you know you can trust unconditionally happens to go to sleep early...
you'll never be what is in your heart
weep little lion man,
you're not as brave as you were at the start
rate yourself and rape/RAKE yourself,
take all the courage you have left
wasted on fixing all the problems that you made in your own head
I just wish we'd all grow up a little bit. I need to start talking more. Because every time that I start talking about my own emotions, I freeze up, and then I just end up not saying anything. But it's hard to do that... when you don't know who you can trust, or when the one person you know you can trust unconditionally happens to go to sleep early...
That wasn't meant to sound crazy. I guess I am just a psychotic bitch. I'll stop fucking up now-- right after report cards come out. Sorry mom that I once again failed you.
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