You embarrassed me by telling everyone except me your feelings. Here comes the anger I guess. Why can't you just fucking love me? Like over and over again people tell me obnoxiously that they're going to love me forever, and when they have the money they're going to buy me that ring that symbol of their commitment forever. and You told me the same thing.
I just want that. I just want someone that's going to love me unconditionally when i'm sad and when i'm happy, and to me that's what love is. Love means the unconditional, but no one else in this world believes that. I thought i finally found someone that understood, that wanted a family as much as I do, and wanted marriage and commitment.
You screwed that all up. You tell me you're sorry for breaking promises when in the beginning of this relationship I would not let you in and you knew it. And now that you're in, you don't love that person? Now that i've torn down every barrier that i have from the outside world and let you see all the tears, and the cuts and the grief, you can't love me?
How is that supposed to make me want to stay here? When the only person who sees me completely raw, with my past splayed out the table and every time i did something stupid to feel loved, and he pretended to be fine with it all, until one girl comes up and screws everything up, and screws up my trust of you. What if another girl comes along?
Do you realize how many stupid girls have torn me to pieces? And then you get mad at me for my friendships with guys?
If the person who sees me the rawest doesn't even love me, how am i supposed to find someone that does? Every person gets so in depth and then they leave me, and when they come back i'm not the same person and i never ever will be. Healing fucks my mind up more than anyone could ever imagine because i sit there and go through every possibility and every negative thought about myself and I just don't want to do it again.
It all doesn't seam to matter to you, my tears don't even effect you anymore. Is that what love is? Why do you keep telling me you love me and you want to leave me at the same time? Why am i such a screwed up person that nobody can love?
I just want forever, and i keep getting pretend.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment