Friendship

This random spur of thought was dawned after "The friends i've met this year have saved my life" which is completely true. They make me happy, but i do miss my friends from highschool a lot. They don't seem to want me to hang out with them. I keep asking. All i get are "maybes."

I should be content. I do have good friends now, friends who care, friends who listen. They're nice, they're sweet. I'd like to think that the friends that i had in highschool and me had a special bond though. I'd like to think that they had seen me through a lot, and they held me when i cried and they missed me when they moved.

I think i've come to the assumption that they didn't. I mean. Only one friend, do i specifically remember holding me when i cried, a lot of the others don't even know i have the capability to cry.

I don't keep my life from the friends i have now. Back before, i thought that if i told the highschool friends what was really going on, that they would run away from me. Then, now, it's like, it doesn't matter if these friends run because they're just temporary until my old friends come back.

I guess i better start treating them better, because my old friends don't seem like their coming back. With first kisses come avoidance of me, with first touches come silence to me, and all of a sudden it's like i haven't experienced any of those things at all. They talk to everyone but me. People further away then me.

They don't visit when their home. They don't call. They don't ask me how life has been. They don't want to hear.

What do you do when the people you once stood up for... The people you once called "Gold," don't want to hear you anymore. They're not intrigued by your writing anymore. You are no one special.

I've had my bouts with anorexia, and most people don't know that. The feelings that came with it, are just emptiness. If your soul feels empty, then shouldn't your belly be so too? I can't do without food anymore. I promise. Food's too wonderfull.

Right now i'm craving french fries, and a sweet tea from McDonalds. My boyfriend would take me, if he didn't have school tomarrow. My friend would take me, if i just told him to. And i bet you i could text several others who would be at my beck and call because they've grown to care about me.

Maybe all those years in highschool didn't mean anything. I was just the person they came to so i wasn't alone. I was their conscience.

I just want all of them to know, that i tried my hardest to be the best friend that i possibly could be, and even though none of them wanted to talk to me outside of school, or hang out with me, or trust me... I tried my hardest to stand up for them, to love them, and i still do.

And i'd be willing to give my sparce time to hang out with them now.