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Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Sleep

Here's the truth: I haven't been sleeping regularly since my sophomore year of highschool. But, I haven't really been sleeping at all since the begginning of college. I know the reason.

There's no schedule.

I stay awake for homework, and don't just skip class because I haven't done it. I also will wake up on time, almost every day. Last semester there were only two classes i slept through, and that was with insomnia. That's pretty good i think.

People blame it on my caffeine intake, which has nothing to do with it, because as those silly friends from highschool will contest-- my coke addiction started well before highschool. It's just school, and the stress from school keeping me awake. Even after i finish a six page paper, i sit in bed staring at the ceiling thinking about what i could do to make it better, and this is at 4am, for a 9:30am class.

I've gotten pretty good about not letting myself becoming effected by my sleeping schedule. I'm proud that i've only missed parts of two classes due to it. I really am, because anyone with the same sleeping problems as me wouldn't bother to wake up, especially if they had someone as evil as my french teacher staring them in the eyes.

The true question is, i don't know how to ask for sleeping pills. I have a physical thursday and i know they're going to ask that question, cause when you don't sleep your immune system goes down for the count, along with your sanity.

I feel like, they're going to look at my mothers records and pretty much tell me that they're not allowing it in my house because of her, plus the fact i'm probably effected by the same disorder as her, and giving a nineteen year old the ability to kill herself is usually not a good thing.

Truth be told, i don't want to kill myself. There are sometimes i wish that i could just lay down and sleep for days-- but that has to do with the lack of sanity involved.

Does it make me crazy to want the pills, or does it just make me crazy to need the pills?

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