Growing up

What's growing up? Does it mean knowing the answers to everyone's problems? Does it mean finally being the one to give all the advice? If the latter was the answer, i'd be a grown up, but i'm not one. To me, growing up is having the ability to deal with shit. It's the ability not to just get angry and throw your hands in the air and do things that are out of your character.

I think i handle problems pretty well. I could handle them better. I handle problems by being very angry but continuing to stay composed. Then, when i'm free from the stressful stimuli, i unload on pretty much whoever is around me. It's not the best method, but it's what keeps me sane. I want to get to that point where i don't have to vent off the extra steam, but i'm not grown up enough to do that. And-- i'll admit to it.

Here's what sucks about life. You finally go through all the pressure to get up the little life stairs. You climb up the mountains, avoid the wind and the bobcats, and when you get up there breathe a sigh of relief cause you're done. You're over it. However not all of us grow up at the same rate. We then sit and watch everyone else attempt to pull up themselves up these mountains while we sit and drink Pina Colada's right? Wrong. After we're finally done facing the mountain, we face another-- infinitely on, and at the same time people expect us to look back and fix them too. Give them an elevator ride up.

But there is none. There's like this broken pulley that you have to constantly pull to get them up to the new level. A broken pulley that gives you splinters as you pull, forcing sweat to your brow line and ruining your newly blow dried hair. I can't pull everyone up and that's just a fact, but i try, while still facing my own mountains head of me. Attempting to do everything.

The people in my broken pulleys constantly tell me to stop doing everything, but don't drop me they say. Drop that person-- that person's un-important. And that person tells me to drop the other person in the pulley who nominated him. So on, and so on, and so on.

I wish i could talk about marriage and babies and not feel entirely out of my element. Not feel that that one certain person is going to pull this own and pull the quotes off of it and blackmail me to shit and back about how much i should be doing anything but what i'm doing.

I don't know where this blog is going. So i'll end it here. My eyes are kind of swollen and red, and i could really use another Caramel Apple thingy that I still don't know the name to.

Thank you world.