I wish I knew that you read anything I wrote. I wish that I knew that you thought about me. Truth is you don't. Because you're fucking the girl you swore to me nothing was happening with and you don't give a shit about any of my emotions about the topic.
I keep writing this and then stopping because I'm sobbing too hard to keep going but I'm trying to get through this.
This is goodbye. Because even if my physical body gets through this, that girl you pretended to love will be gone forever. That girl she pretended to love will be gone forever. I don't know if my physical self will get through this. I don't know that it means enough for me to attempt trying.
Truth is, you were my final straw. I think you knew that coming in that I wasn't going to ever let someone else in. You were me taking that jump that I so greatly feared. You were the one I gave everything that I had managed to muster up after the amount of pain I've been through.
And what did you do with it? You cheated on me. Emotionally. Physically. You left me and had sex with her when I was suicidal and possibly pregnant. I was so lost. And every moment I felt like you put her before me and you told me a million times that you never would... because you loved me...
That was all a lie. You never loved me. You used me to get to my friend. You used my parents hospitality and their money and gifts and you gave them a broken daughter in return.
You swore to me you wouldn't leave me. From early on till a month before ota. But your word means nothing. You say what you think someone wants to hear because you're a selfish bastard who gets off on using people.
I hope I don't get through this. So that maybe my death will do one thing for you.
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